The Love Hypothesis by Laura Steven

Author:Laura Steven [Steven, Laura]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Egmont UK Ltd
Published: 2020-03-04T18:30:00+00:00

13

When I get home, I don’t take the pills straight away. I’m not going to see Haruki or any other eligible bachelors tomorrow, so I give my body – and my conscience – a day off.

On Sunday morning, I lie in bed for much longer than I usually do, drinking milky coffee and playing Words With Friends against Leo, who prefers to communicate with me through the medium of board games as opposed to actual human conversation. My window is cranked open to let some fresh air in, and Vati can be heard cutting the grass while belting out the Pina Colada song at the top of his lungs. Every time he croons about making love at midnight, a small piece of me dies.

For some reason, as I try to figure out what word I can possibly play with the letters QVBNNTX, I keep running over last night in my head. Not the disastrous date, but the moment with Keiko on her bathroom floor. Her hands cupping my face as she told me I’m beautiful. I’m not sure why it means so much, hearing those words from her. I’m not sure why she said it so passionately, like she really, desperately wanted me to believe it.

Maybe it means so much because I can’t remember her ever saying it to me before. Maybe she said it so passionately because she was only just realizing it for the first time. I don’t know. Whatever the reason, I want to relive that moment over and over again, savoring every detail. I want to bask in its warmth.

And I want to know that it wasn’t because of the pills. But how can I?

On Sunday night, Gabriela eventually starts messaging back as though nothing has happened. When I message her separately to ask if she’s okay, she just writes yep, why wouldn’t i be? and even though I’m dying to ask whether she and Ryan are okay, I take her tone as my cue to leave it alone until she wants to talk about it. Even though I’m glad we’re still okay, my stomach still behaves largely like a tumble dryer. Guilt is the worst emotion, don’t @ me.

Keiko’s continuous stream of commentary does ease the pain, somewhat.

Okay: Fuck, Marry, Kill. Nicki Minaj, Cardi B, Iggy Azalea. Go.

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